Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Days like today make it hard not to remember how alone you really are.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Ummmm. I got bored?

This is a post full of random pictures of the things I love in life. The superficial things. Not everything. Not even most of everything. I just really love these things. And wanted a random post full of pictures. :P I could probably fill an entire blog with nothing but pictures. But I enjoy talking (or typing?) too much.

I love to bake. And cupcakes really are my favorite. Nothing's as cute as a cupcake (except for maybe babies) and nothing's as perfect or as sweet. And topped with frosting. :)

This is kind of all I want. And all I need. And everything I'm constantly trying to find.

This house is just too awesome. Could you imagine living in THAT?

I LOVE this display-thing of umbrellas. I kinda wish it was my ceiling.

Ladybugs are pretty to me. And ladybugs in love are even better. :) They remind me of my best friend. She loves ladybugs.

I really like this picture. And it doesn't hurt that I feel self conscious 95% of my life.

I love this painting. I can't even remember the artist. But I really like his work. or hers. I can't remember. :/

I just like this photograph because I like engagement rings. And Scrabble pieces. It's cute.

I just think this photo is pretty.

It might be lame and cliche and it's a picture of some random couple hugging. But I think it looks like a really great hug. haha.

Amanda Seyfriend. She's just gorgeous. It doesn't really require further explanation. I didn't always love her. In Mean Girls she barely even registered and Mamma Mia! wasn't my favorite. But she redeemed herself in Dear John. And letters to Juliet. Hell, even in Jennifer's Body (which I watched entirely for her).

again. I mean she is gorgeous. And it also helps that she stands for so much and treats her fans so amazing.

I've got a thing about hugs? Sometimes hugs are just good and you really need one.

I love Zooey Deschanel. I think she's gorgeous. and so is her sister.

My obsession with Emily Deschanel spawns from Bones. I love that show. And not just because Booth (David Boreanaz's character) is so dreamy. It's cause Bones is so AWESOME. A kick-ass, gorgeous, genius female character. Who just so happens to be ignorant to her love for a dreamy FBI agent. It's all kinds of magical.

Dianna Agron. Also just a gorgeous girl. I don't have issues with saying these women are beautiful. There's no sense in denying it. And besides. I've got gorgeous guys coming up. :P

Mark Salling. *sigh* He's just cute. Especially with these glasses. And it helps he's from Texas. I love me some Texas boys. Haha. So what if he plays a jerk on TV. I still love him. :)

TAYLOR SWIFT. I do believe I've already done my obsessive T-Swift rambling. But she really is just so beautiful! Right?! RIGHT?! There's no denying it. Not to mention she's accomplished so much in only 20 years of existence. I'm jealous. And full of respect for her.

Have I already blabbed about my Channing Tatum obsession? I'm gonna Haha. He was mentioned, but never fully discussed. Which makes this the perfect opportunity. Because I am obsessed. I mean the man's gorgeous. Talented, in more ways than one. Married and disgustingly-adorably-in love with an almost-equally gorgeous woman. Plus. He just seems nice. And he's pretty. Did I say that already? :P He's my worst and most awesome obsession. OH! and he's following me on twitter. It makes me nervous though. I feel as though my tweets are inadequate for someone so incredibly hot. I mean famous. or awesome....Or all of the above. :D

I'm just this silly girl that's obsessed with pretty people, beautiful things and desperate to be in love...

edit: I think I'll just have regular posts of lots of pictures. That begin with cupcakes and end with Channing Tatum. Always. haha.


I love the movie Enchanted. I love Disney princesses and even if Giselle isn't a REAL Disney princess, I LOVE the story. Amy Adams is amazing and so sweet. And Patrick Dempsey is perfect. Plus I love the Carrie Underwood song. Something about this song is just so perfect. :)

My Cousin's Having a Baby!

So my cousin Cayla is having a baby. She's only 4 months older than I am and I just can't believe it. What's with people? Haha. But I'm so excited. I can't wait. I wish I lived closer. We live almost 7 hours away, but trust me, I'll be visiting that baby as much as possible. And my cousin, of course. :)

This 4th of July weekend we went to visit, as usual, and Cayla had her baby shower. She's due in August and I think the timing worked out pretty well. My aunt planned out an amazing shower for her. Lots of people invited, games, food, and she even rented out a hotel conference room for it. Ha. And she asked me to make the cake. I love cake. I love baking. And while my thing is usually cupcakes, I'm never one to turn down a chance to bake. So I did. It was my first time with fondant and I can't believe it turned out so well! I'm crazy proud of this cake and I can't believe my aunt gave me the chance to do it AND all the supplies. :D

Monday, May 31, 2010

Oh, Brother.

My little brother is growing up. It's weird. I just turned 21. Which is the last big milestone before THIRTY! 30! So it's kind of like getting old. haha. But my younger brother is only 14. 14. When you start high school. He has his 8th grade dance on Thursday. He's going with his girlfriend. And we went shopping today to find him something to wear to said dance. With said girlfriend. It's nuts.

He actually has some style. Granted me and my mom and my gaysian, Edward, helped him out. (My Gaysian is one of my best friends, Edward. He's Filipino and gay. He likes to call himself the gaysian.) But my brother can dress himself. And with my help, he will have a style when he enters high school. A good one. Not the lame-ass grunge thing I did 6 years ago. It was a bad time. I don't like to talk about it. There were wallet chains and baggy pants involved. It was rough.

It's odd to see my brother so grown up. Going to hang out at his girlfriend's house. He has more of a life than I do. It's lame on my part, but great for him. He doesn't need to be stuck at home all the time like my hermit of a father. But it's so crazy to see him growing up. I practically raised my brother. My mom moved out and left the state for awhile when he was really young. Hell, I was young myself. But it was something she needed to do and she's back now. But for quite awhile it fell to me and my younger sister to help my dad raise my brother. He was 3. It was tough. But I think it made us much closer. And he's almost like a mini-me. Haha. He wears my old band t-shirts and likes the same music I do. He's just a cuter and more awesome version of me at that age. haha. So it's weird. I think he's handling it all much better than I did. But I remember middle school and freshmen year as the most awkward of my life. I'm an awkward person in general, but those few years were just rotten. It's a miracle I had any friends at all.

My brother got all the popularity genes from my mom. She can't go anywhere and not meet someone. We can barely make it out of Target without her having a friendly conversation with a complete stranger. My brother is shy, but he's cute, polite, and pretty hilarious. So he's got lots of friends at school. Lots of girl friends too. I'm almost glad that I'm out of the house for his high school years. It's something better to be heard of on the phone than experienced. I don't need to see him going on dates. I think I could be scarred. Haha.

I love my little brother. And oddly enough, he loves me too. For a 14 year old boy, I think that's quite a feat. And one I'm very proud of. He's insanely polite. Even to my friends. And he treats girls so well. I like to think I had a part in that. But who knows. Ha. Either way. He turned out good.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The difference...

So. Weird of all weirds, of course. I was talking to my mom just now and she brought up Justin Bieber. Why does everyone think I have a creepy crush on this kid? I just think he's adorable! Like my little brother. Except not as smart as my little brother. But anyways. My mom asks the difference between adorable, and cute, and pretty, etc. It's a valid question. And I've decided to break it down.

Adorable: this is the word for adorable people. People that would be awesome in miniature form so you could carry em around in your pocket. People that other (weirder) people would like to "eat up!" Ya know. But not real attractions exists, i.e., I do NOT have a creepy crush on Justin Bieber!). Examples: my younger brother (on most occasions), Justin Bieber, that kid from iCarly, etc. It's like seeing a little half-asian kid at the grocery store. THAT is adorable.

Pretty: pretty is the word to describe guys like Zac Efron. And that guy in my Clinical Psychology class. Too pretty for words, makes you feel like a sloppy mess for wearing a t-shirt to class, perfect hair, thin, fit, perfect body guys. They're often tan without any effort. Quiet. Almost feminine, but not. That's pretty.

Cute: this is what I am looking for. The kind of guy that's cute is one that's attractive for more than just his physical attributes. Also for his mannerisms, sense of humor, personality, etc. He's cute, but he's not so attractive that you couldn't talk to him for stuttering and salivating. My own personal examples of this include the lead singer of Safetysuit, Doug Brown, Mark Salling (sometimes), Bryan Greenberg, etc. I'd also like to put Ryan Reynolds in this category, but he fits under hot too.

Hot: these are the guys that are almost TOO attractive. But they're not pretty. They're hot. Like...built, but not grossly muscled. Nice face. They look really good scruffy. Leather jacket type of guys. Or regular guys that just look REALLY hot in a leather jacket. Haha. Examples include: David Boreanaz, Kellan Lutz, Channing Tatum. But Channing Tatum fits into 3 categories for me: pretty, cute, AND hot. Yeah. I like him that much. :D

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Oh, Clothes..

I might not know exactly what I'm doing for my birthday, yet, but I know exactly what I'd like to wear. :D If only.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


Ok. I probably shouldn't be writing about another of my odd music obsessions. But this topic cannot be neglected. I'm a fan of Justin Bieber. I know it's odd for a 21 year old. But his music is catchy and he's kind of adorable. I want my brother (he's 14) to dress like him.

I think this started with an article I read a couple days ago, not before noticing Justin's odd absence from Twitter's list of trending topics. Apparently Twitter has decided to change the algorithm they use to determine these trending topics. I can see how this article might have been misconstrued, but this is getting out of hand. I don't think they meant it to affect solely Justin Bieber. They want trending topics to be a more informative "news" tool.

But of course, the mob of pre-teen fangirls were very upset. They took this new algorithm as a direct attack on JB and his many loyal fans. Thus, Twieber. Yup. A Twitter knock-off especially for "Beliebers". This is pretty crazy right? I mean...I'm right to worry about the mental stability of an entire up-and-coming generation, yes? My poor brother. These are his future girlfriends. Actually no. I've given the boy enough advice and sense to avoid any crazy Bieber fans. Besides his own sister, of course. :D

But he's so cute for a little kid. Haha. He's 16. Not a kid. But still kinda a kid. He's too short to be a "man". And it helps that he can actually sing. And he loves his mom. :)


Last night I had a dream about Taylor Swift. I'm a crazy big fan of Taylor Swift. I haven't been a fan of country since I was a little kid, but Taylor Swift brought it all back for me. Her music's just too happy, too emotional, too sweet, and too real to not love. Plus, she's adorable. She's only about a year younger than me, but I see her as so much older because I envy and respect her so much. I think she's one of the few pop stars out there that's doing things right and being a good role model. She's a perfectionist about her work and she has a hand in everything she puts her name on. I like that. It doesn't hurt that she's gorgeous. I LOVE her hair. I love that she's a tall girl that's not afraid to wear really tall heels. And she doesn't wear anything too ridiculous or "avante garde", just because it's "cool". I appreciate that.

Anyways. Dream.. Taylor Swift. Crazy. I had a dream that I was Taylor Swift's maid of honor. How weird is that? For one, why is she getting married? And for two, how the hell am I her maid of honor? I'm pretty sure it has everything to do with how much Taylor Swift I was listening to last night and the fact that I've been thinking so much about how I actually am the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding. Haha. It's a typical mix-up of all the odd ends of my life I suppose. But it really was the strangest dream. And I was wearing a very odd dress. But I didn't have shoes. I liked the dress in my dream, but I remember this dress and I do NOT like it. Haha. But hey, if Taylor Swift told me to wear a dress, I would without hesitation. We were talking like we knew each other, but we didn't really. But I was going to be her MOH? Isn't that odd? I'm still baffled by this, obviously. But it was still a very interesting dream. And fun...if I remember correctly. Never did get to the actually wedding part. Or her dress. Which is unfortunate..

My MOH dream has a lot to do with my best friend's wedding. I'm feeling bad about not being there and not doing enough. The Maid of Honor is a big deal (hence the capitalization), but it's a hard job to do when you're away at school and the bride is hundreds of miles away. And I'm broke. I have big plans for the summer to make things happen and help out as much as I can. We've got favors to make, accessories to make, dresses to choose, and I've got to plan a bridal shower. There's so much to do before the wedding in December. Not to mention the 12-15 dozen cupcakes I've got to make as my wedding gift to the happy couple. Three days after Christmas. Wedding's are awesome (so I hear), but I'm feeling the pressure already! But I'm really so excited, that it doesn't matter. I'm glad that Kayleigh is finally marrying Leroy and she's going to have an amazing wedding. I'm just ready to make some stuff happen. :)

Saturday, May 15, 2010


I am home for the summer. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. It's weird, cause I don't really feel like it's actually Summer. But then, I can't remember how it felt last May at this time. So maybe this is exactly how I'm supposed to feel. :)

But being home is kinda hard. I'm living with my dad again. I'm stuck without a car (for now). I'm back to being in high school. In fact my room looks almost exactly as it did when I was in high school. My mums still hang on the wall. A teddy bear from an ex-boyfriend sits in the corner. There's junk everywhere. And most all of it is from high school. Hell, some of it's from middle school. It's just weird. Here I am trying (not) to think of my future, being a grown up, the "real" world that is approaching oh so quickly. But I'm stuck back at home, feeling like a kid. Sometimes, I catch myself too easily acting like a kid. It's just different. When your little brother and sister are around. When you're back around your parents. Going shopping with the family. It's just such a "kid" thing to do. Or that's what it feels like. I already miss going shopping on my own or with friends, roommates. NOT my parents. I miss being able to sit around in what I could pretend was my room, my living room, cooking in my kitchen. It wasn't mine. I shared it with two roommates and none of us were living dependent of our parents. But I could pretend.

I like to tell myself how so many small things make me feel stuck as a kid. Like not having a car, coming back home for the summer and Christmas break. Living in this house again. But really it's all the responsibility I say I want, but am terrified of. That's why I feel like a kid. Because, really, I am. But...

I turn 21 in one week. Well. 5 days. Technically. :P

I'm pretty excited. How could this be bad? Drinking is legal now. I have a legitimate pass to get mildly intoxicated in public and delicately abuse alcohol to ease my nerves in social situations.

Plus, a birthday is the beginning of a new year of my life. And new is good. I'm going for change. I'm going for something new. I have high hopes.

I'm going to learn to drive stick. As soon as possible. I've got until August to master this skill. Now I haven't lived 21 years without attempting to learn, unfortunately. But my first attempt went terribly wrong in the parking lot of my freshman dorm. So we're gonna pretend it never happened and start anew. Learning to drive standard will open all the doors for my upcoming job hunt. Learning to drive standard means having a car for the summer and my senior year in college. Having a car will make so many things so much easier. But learning to drive this car. Not going to be easy. But I'll do it. I have to. And I will.

I'm thinking positive.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Four posts in one night. Do I care? No. :)

I love cupcakes. I love baking and cooking in general. But, as so many others, I find that cupcakes are just a little bit better. They're perfect little servings (that I often have more than one of) that are just so pretty! No other dessert is as cute as a cupcake.

These are some that my friend, Lindsey, and I made for our "project" Canary Cupcakes. A friend of Lindsey's is a professional photographer and she's great. She agreed to do the pictures for cupcakes so I personalized them just for her with tiny little chocolate cameras. I kinda love the way they came out. They're tie-dye cupcakes with vanilla buttercream and chocolate cameras. She enjoyed them. And I loved seeing two dozen tiny-camera cupcakes. She made em look even better too.

Ok. I am really not a Twilight fan. But these cupcakes are actually some of my favorites. I originally made them for my mom's birthday. She's a crazy Twilighter and I thought it would be fun? Little did I know she would show them to her friends and they would order two dozen cupcakes! Each with a lovely Twilight trademark, most of which take at least 15 minutes to make. But I'm proud of them. :)


I feel like time is one of those love-hate things. Sometimes you have all the time in the world and it's great. Sometimes you have all the time in the world and all you want is to have something to do or a deadline of some kind. Sometimes, there really just isn't any time.

Most often I find myself with too much time. Obviously. I've written three blog posts the very night I created my blog. My second one. ugh. But having too much time is entirely my own fault. I have time to go to the gym, clean my room, study, read, do whatever I want that doesn't cost money or require a car. But I don't do those things. Well, not as often as I should. That's how I end up here. With these things. These things are the things I think about when I should be doing other things. The things that lots of people think about. I hope. The way I look. The way I want to look. The people I know. And the people I'd like to know. What I want to do and what I don't.

I obviously need to learn how to utilize my time. Which is probably the last thing that having a blog will help with. I spend so much time thinking to myself and now I've created an outlet to record them. Was this a wise choice? Maybe I would've been safer with a handwritten journal. They require a lot more effort...

Kurt Halsey

Kurt Halsey is my favorite artist. He's not that well-known, but the people who do him tend to love him. There's something about the cartoon-y little people and hopelessly romantic themes that kinda get you. They get me anyways. This picture is one of my favorites. It's a little bit sad and a little bit bright at the same time. It reminds me a lot of my mom. In fact I'm getting a tattoo of this bird for her. It's red, which makes me think of her; it's a little sad as we all can be, but it's so pretty. And it's got tiny peaks of a bright sky blue kind of glowing out from underneath. My mom's kinda crazy like that, but perhaps her glow isn't quite as subtle. In the best way.

Today in the shower

i keep thinking that having a guy would act like a bandaid for all the booboos of my life. haha. booboos. :P but i need to start thinking of a guy as like...a cupcake. the great dessert that you really want, but you don't need to eat. that makes you happy, but it's not always good for you. something you can live without, but you really rather wouldn't. that's how i need to see guys. i need to see them as something i want, but don't need. and i need to be sure that all the booboos of my life are fixed before i get one. because any guy that i use as a bandaid...i'll eventually have to throw away. and i'm not looking for a guy that's disposable.

today i created two blogs. one that i decided i hated the name of. and the design of. and i didn't want it. and this one. which i've (currently) decided to keep. my blog's just for me, but i have to actually like it. i'm working on liking things. liking me. first and foremost. liking my roommates more often. liking my clothes. which i always find a reason to get mad at. whoops. i'm working on liking everything just a little bit more. i mean, if you're putting nothing but like out there, you're bound to get a little back. right?